Its hard for me to like people

I have been thinking a lot lately about loving people. Is it possible to not like people but love them? Not that I don't like my friends and family. Its just that I was hurt so many times by people unless people prove to me that they wont hurt me I'm on the edge around them. I think that why I get tired out when Im around people, because I'm on the edge all the time. The people that have hurt me I don't like that much. I know I should because of what Jesus has done for us. We keep hurting him all the time when we sin, and yet he still loves us no matter what we do! I know this. All my life I have been struggling to like people. Not that I am not concerned for my enemies salvation. I am. I do love them in that way.

I feel like I have forgiven them but the glass is still broken and Jesus is still putting it back together. I don't think I will be fully fixed until I breath my last breath. Death is peaceful, living is much harder. I am a sinful human being. I want to be more like Jesus though, I do. I want to put it all behind me. I just can't seem to do that. I feel weary even around some loved ones. I don't know what to do. Its hard for me to be out going and want to find a job or a church because Im afraid of people, I don't like them. I think I am so jumpy when someone doesn't try to hurt my feelings but does, because of my past. I am a very sensitive person. Even the slightest sense of somebody that doesn't like me, I freak. I just wish I didn't care so much about what people think of me. I get so tired of the world sometimes. Thats why I like being at home so much. I'm so comfortable here. No one can hurt me, yell at me or talk behind my back here. I'm safe at home.

Saying "Your Wrong" = Hate

If you tell someone they are wrong it must mean that you hate that person. When I tell people that homosexuality is wrong, they look at me like I just beat up a homosexual. I guess that means I hate them. That's the definition now a days isn't it? Your wrong means hate. This girl actually deleted me from her facebook because I said homosexuality was wrong. That's all I said. She said that she didn't want to be a friend with somebody who didnt like homosexuals. How far will this go? Will it go so far that we wont tell our children that they are wrong? "We don't want to hurt there feelings now do we"?.
Sadly even Christians tell me I am wrong for outwardly saying that I don't agree with homosexuality. They think when I say homosexuality is wrong I am hating homosexuals, "we are supposed to love them" they say. So therefore when I say homosexuality is wrong I guess it means I don't like homosexuals and I'm not loving them.

Do I agree with people sleeping together before marriage? No. Do I love them? Yes. I sin too.

Do I agree with people who blaspheme? Not at all. Do I love them? Yes! I sin too.

Do I agree with people who lie? No. Do I love them? Yes! I sin too.

Do I agree with people who steel? No. Do I love them? Yes! I sin too.

So please tell me, what is wrong with telling people they are wrong? People are so concerned with other peoples feelings that they forget what God says. So can you not tell someone they are wrong lovingly? They hide what they truly know to be true in order to please man, not God. As for me, I will listen to God, NOT man.

Three more weeks untill Jeremy and I move to Florida!

Three more weeks until we start our new adventure in Florida! I am very excited and scared at the same time. I am scared because of all the money we have to borrow yet excited because it will be fun to live in a different state. I have always lived in Iowa my whole life. I'm going to also worry about not seeing my family for a long time. Hopefully Ill get a nice job so we can save up and come to Iowa for Christmas! I will be done with work on the 24th of this month (in 2 weeks!) so then we can go to Andy's (Jeremy's younger brother) two football games, pack up the apartment and visit with family A LOT before we leave for Florida.

Please pray for us that everything goes well in Florida, that Jeremy concentrates in school and gets great grades, that we find a good church that is Biblical, and that I can find a good job.

I also need a lot of prayer with my depression. I'm worried that in Florida I wont have any one to confide in when I am sad since I will be away from family and since Jeremy will be in school a lot. I feel like my medication isn't working how I want it to work, but its not as bad as it used to be either. I need lots of prayer!

Three more weeks! YAY!

Why I am a Christian

I have been thinking about my long testimony on how I became a Christian, I realized that it doesn't matter how I became a Christian but why I have become a Christian. So I have taken My Testimony off and I am going to tell you why I am who I am. I am a Christian because of logical evidence. Not because I think I’ll be happy and feel better about my life.

Why am I a Christian? Good question. Being a Christian means I have accepted God’s offer of salvation. I need to be saved by Jesus because I have done bad things in the eyes of God.

1. I have failed to worship God only.

2. When I didn’t understand the true God, I would make up my own God in my head to suit myself. For example, “My God would be ok with me lying and stealing” or as a lot of "Christians" tell themselves "My God is ok with me having sex before marriage."

3. Instead of using a four-letter filth word to express disgust, I have used God’s name as a cuss word. I took the name of the Creator who gave me life and air to breath- and I dragged it through the mud.

4. I don’t always honor God with the time I have on Sunday, which the Bible tells me to spend with Him.

5. I have disobeyed my parents by lying to them, disrespecting them, sneaking around doing things that I knew they didn’t want me to do.. I could go on.

6. I have murdered. Surprised? God says that if you hate someone, you have committed murder in your heart.

7. I have lusted in my heart, which God says is equal with adultery.

8. I have stolen.

9. I have lied multiple times.Last one…

10. I have wanted things that aren’t mine, and shouldn’t be mine.

Now obviously everyone has done these things. The things I have listed above are the 10 commandments. We all disobey them.

The 10 commandments are Gods standards on morality. We all have fallen short of these standards, and because we have not kept these laws, we are not good people in the sight of God. He will punish us for what we have done because he is a Just Judge. Would a good judge let a murderer off without payment? No, that judge would be corrupt! However, imagine a judge who gets up from his seat, comes down to you and says, “I love you Aleah, I will pay your fine.”

The Bible says that God loved us so much, He sent his only son to come to this earth and die for us. Jesus gave up his power in heaven and became a helpless baby. First of all, would you give up your existence to save someone else? God gave up His throne for us to become a man and live on this messed up earth. Then, on top of that- He was persecuted, beaten, whipped until he didn’t look human anymore, got a thorn crown jammed into his head, and with nails driven through his wrists… He was nailed to a cross to be crucified. Why did Jesus have to die? He was fully God, and yet still fully man. As a man he never sinned, and His righteousness meant that he would not be guilty before God, the Righteous Judge. When Jesus submitted Himself as a sacrifice for us, God poured out His wrath for the entire world, to take OUR punishment.

The other cool thing is that even though Jesus could have said, “THAT’S ENOUGH,” and God would have sent angels to rescue Him and stop his suffering, Jesus decided He would rather be persecuted and die for us, then live without us!

So that is why some may think I am a weirdo Bible-thumper, or a Jesus Freak. But how can I not be different? Why would I want to keep on sinning? Why would I not want to read my bible or go to church?

God cannot give you everlasting life with him if you do not receive is gift. God’s wrath is satisfied- our debts are paid. He took our punishment… doesn’t He deserve to have our hearts? He “fearfully and wonderfully” created us; not only that, but He died for us so we could be with him forever! We are mere sinners and we don’t deserve Him. With everything He has done for us, He deserves our hearts!

In order to receive this gift, you have to repent (ask for forgiveness and turn from your sins). Then you need to put your trust in Him. What does that mean? The Bible is the Word of God and His love letter to us. Trusting in Him means hearing and obeying His word.

WAIT! Does that mean we won’t ever sin again!?

Of course not! We are still going to be human. We will still mess up. The difference is that when you trust in God, He will make you a new creation! The old self will be gone and the new self will come. You will begin to hate sin, and want to please God.

That’s why I am the way I am. How can I not put my trust in God after everything he did for me?